I’ve realized something since I’ve been in college. I’m a lot more normal than I thought I was.
I see the anime type of cliques. And we’ll, they just don’t give a shit, it seems. At least when they’re together. When they’re together, they don’t care who is looking or saying what. And it’s kinda comforting knowing they found solace in a scary place with each other. And by scary, I mean college. And I think that’s what I like about community college. There are all types of people who go here.
And me? I’m still trying to find my niche.
In high school, I didn’t find it. I had a few that helped me find out what I liked and what I didn’t in people. From the skaters. Potheads. Preps. Emo. Etc.. Not as though those labels actually exist, but to clarify the different groups of people I hung out with.
There were a few who I found comfort with. But well, in comparison, I guess I’m pretty boring. And I didn’t realize how boring I am until recently. Though I know others will argue. But I do find that I am pretty boring. I don’t have anything particularly interesting about me. And though I plan on changing that in the future, I’m just kind of stuck going in circles right now. So if someone tries to invite me to something, I will do my best to go. Like tonight! A coworker asked me to go to sushi with her. I’ve never had sushi. And to be frank, I don’t like the idea of eating raw fish. But I’m going, and I’ll figure it out. Even though money is still tight.
Regardless. I find myself trying to figure out if I’m “normal” or not. And not as if its a big deal either way. But it seems if I’m less normal that most people here, I get alienated for a comment on something they may not know about. Or if I hang with less normal people, and I’m the more normal one, well, I’ll be alienated because I won’t understand what they are talking about.
Not as though anyone is normal. Everyone is weird behind closed doors. Because once the doors close and no one is looking, you do whatever you want without the fear of being judged.
I just wish I had the confidence on both sides. Though my confidence is better than before, I still feel 150%. And I know how to fix it.
It’s just too hard to wake up so early.
…..exercise. I was talking about going to the gym early in the morning.